The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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