I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
