it glows. i had to have it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
