Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
