i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
