My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize