He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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