Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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