Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
