Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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