Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
