I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
