just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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