wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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