what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
