you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
