where am i from again
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
