i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
