Pregnant stripper...not hot.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
