a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize