I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
