At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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