MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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