so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My ATM looks so different sober.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
