Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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