i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
