Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
