we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
