they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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