I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
