Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
