WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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