I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
