He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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