I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
