I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize