Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
