is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
