K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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