Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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