Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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