hotel room ftw
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
