Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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