I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
