he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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