Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
