that's an acceptable place to lick
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
