The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
