Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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