There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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