Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
