I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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