I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
