We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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