Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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