so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
