I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize