Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
