you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize