Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
