My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just cropdusted the office
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
