I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
