From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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