Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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