Need sex. Gaining weight.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
