the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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