Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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