Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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