I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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