I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
