Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
