Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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