Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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