I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
