Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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