you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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