He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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