...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize