I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
