Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
