On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize