margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
