my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize