I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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