Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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