I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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