is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Girls should come with a carfax report
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
