My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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