nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
