There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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