I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
