I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize