You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
