dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
