Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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