I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
