She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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