i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
