my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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