Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize