Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
