4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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