You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
