if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
