Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
