i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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