Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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