fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
