Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
