Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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