I smell stomach acid.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize